Fertile Journeys

The Short Story

Hi there! My name is Lindsey and I want a baby. “Hello, Lindsey.” (Think AA support group…) Okay now that I got that off my chest I can give you the scoop. I’m 26 years old and married to the most wonderful man, Ross, who’s 35 years old. We’ve been together for 6ish years and married for two years. In February 2008 we decided to expand our family with a child. Easier said than done. Here we are 15 months later after having 4 miscarriages and still no kids. Awesome.

I was able to get pregnant right away. Life was good. We told close friends as soon as we found out, but waited until our 8-week u/s (ultrasound for all you non-IFers (Infertility-ers) out there. We saw the heartbeat at 8 weeks and everything looked perfect. We told all our friends, family, and co-workers. At our 13 -week u/s we learned the bad news: the baby had no heartbeat. I went in a day later for the D&C (dialation & cutterage). And so our first angel went to Heaven. I had a number of complications after that consisting of an infection, a cyst, and many trips to the doctor with lots of anti-biotics. My doctor told us to wait 3 months to try again. Well two months later after not trying, but not NOT trying we were pregnant again! The first one was a fluke, right? This has to work…I went for my beta (amount of pregnancy hormone in my blood stream) and it was dangerously low – the doctor knew right away we had a problem. So I continued watching my beta as it rose, but not enough, and finally fell. Angel number 2. Okay so I’m not screwing around this time. We waited our 3 months like dutiful little patients and got pregnant again on the first try. This has to work – has to – 3rd time’s the charm, right? And two days after Christmas we sent our third angel to Heaven. And you know what three m/c (miscarriages) buys you? A one-way ticket to a RE (reproductive endocrinologist) and LOTS of blood work. Seriously – they should serve crackers after they take that much blood! And yet there’s nothing wrong with me or Ross. NOTHING. If there was something wrong with me, couldn’t they fix it? BUT, at least we could make a plan. I would start injectable follicle-stimulating meds, blood thinners, and more and then we would do an IUI (intra-uterine insemination). That way I would produce higher quality eggs and decrease the liklihood for complications. And so the nighly stabbings, I mean injections, began. Each night I took Lupron, Gonal-f, baby aspirin, and pre-natal vitamins. I went to weekly acupuncture appointments. Then when they decided it was time, I took a shot of Ovidrel and went in for the IUI procedure. And as luck would have it, I got pregnant! To help keep the pregnancy, the RE added an injectable blood thinner as well as progesterone pills and shots (ouchy!). Our beta number continued to double and I was positive (POSITIVE) this baby would stick. It had to. But, at our 6-week u/s we learned it was not meant to be. And we sent our fourth angel to heaven.

So here we are. 15 months later with full hearts and empty arms. I never thought I would start a blog – mostly because I have such a short attention span. But as I watch my friends on SK (our online support group/message board) write these amazing blogs that follow them through having children and through everything else, I decided to cave. How great will it be to show my kids one day? Because I will get my happy ending; it just might not be soon.

Happy reading – I’ll try to avoid the TMI (too much info) or at least warn you when it’s going to happen! Please post comments and check out the other great blogs on my blog list (if I can figure out how to post them!).

4 Comments »

  1. stumbled upon this blog! it is wonderful and so nice to hear a story like mine! bless you and good luck!

    Comment by candace — May 16, 2009 @ 7:00 am |Reply

  2. It will happen, Honey, just not in the timeframe that you and Ross had hoped. And when it does happen, you will be amazing parents! Love you, Mom

    Comment by Mom — May 16, 2009 @ 9:20 pm |Reply

  3. you are a miracle linds – i had three miscarriages for various reasons before using clomid to have ellisa. reasons for miscarriages are sometimes due to chromozone problems, the chicken pox virus that their dad had at the time!, and just not the right time. and, nothing is more painful. i understand.

    for a while i joined a support group for parents who had miscarriages or lost their children at birth and it helped to talk with others who shared our pain. to gain strength to carry on and never give up on hope.

    while your cyst dr. wasn’t “right on” – question everything – and make changes if you feel you should – drs are people.

    here is some really good news! you are so young! you have time. live in each moment. remember to love each other first and i’m proud of you. you are strong and will be the best mom – and you will. i have faith.

    loving you!

    Comment by Diana — May 18, 2009 @ 11:31 am |Reply

  4. have you been tested for celiac disease? there’s a direct link between fertility struggles, miscarriages, and celiac diease…your bleeding situation is all to familiar to my 1st pregnancy…a simple blood test may unravel the mystery! hang in, hang on, and good luck!

    Comment by rebecca — September 7, 2009 @ 10:27 am |Reply


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