Fertile Journeys

May 4, 2010

Back to Work…

Filed under: Uncategorized — by lhoham @ 10:14 pm

Everyone told me that it would be harder on me than it was on Nathan for me to go back to work…I’m not so sure. It was hard on me for sure. I don’t want to leave him. I don’t want to miss anything. I miss him when I’m gone….etc. But, HE had a rough time with it, too. He fussed and cried all day yesterday and half the night. He was so “off” and upset. He is not used to me leaving. It was awful. When I got home after my first half day, all he wanted to do was nurse to make himself feel better. In eight hours, I fed him six times. And then he wouldn’t go to bed. And once he did go to bed, he wouldn’t sleep more than 45 minutes at a time. Finally, around 1:00AM I decided to go sleep in his room so that at least when he fussed I was right there. It seemed to do the trick because I got an almost 5 hour stretch. Granted, I slept on the floor wrapped up in a blanket and laying on a comforter. It was less than comfy. I did well at work during my first two half-days.

But then tonight happened. I was plugging along doing alright and then I had to get everything ready for tomorrow. I packed up my bag with my pump, snacks, wallet, etc. and then I packed his things. Diaper bag, extra clothes, toys, a box of diapers/wipes for the sitter. When I finally sat down is when it hit me. I’m actually leaving my child. At daycare.

And then the tears came…I feel like this will be one of the hardest, if not THE hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Infertility was hard…I think this will be right up there. I feel like I’m going to come home from work and Nathan’s going to be five years old or something. Like I’m missing out on his life already and I haven’t even left yet.

This seriously sucks.



  1. I’m so sorry…it does get easier. There is an adjustment period as they have to figure out how to interact with others, and it takes a while for the caregivers to make sure he sticks to schedule. Micah was a little cranky at first – they didn’t have him nap enough (and he didn’t eat as well) at first, but once they got used to him and he got used to them, it got easier for all of us.

    Micah was used to taking bottles, though, so that wasn’t as hard a transition for him. One of my friends found her son wouldn’t take bottles all day and would nurse a ton at night…they call it reverse cycling, I think.

    It really will be okay, and it will get easier for both of you!

    Comment by Tkeys — May 5, 2010 @ 12:59 am |Reply

  2. Oh, big hugs to you. Going back to work is such an adjustment period for both of you. As Tkeys said, it will get easier. I know that is hard to think right now, but in time you will both get used to the schedule and things will run more smoothly. Nathan is probably not happy about your being gone (booby and all). Many babies eat less at daycare and then eat a ton once you are with them at night. Maybe that will change after time. Just know we are thinking about you and us working mom’s now how hard it is to be away from our babies all day long.

    Comment by Amy — May 5, 2010 @ 9:02 am |Reply

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