Fertile Journeys

May 4, 2010

Back to Work…

Filed under: Uncategorized — by lhoham @ 10:14 pm

Everyone told me that it would be harder on me than it was on Nathan for me to go back to work…I’m not so sure. It was hard on me for sure. I don’t want to leave him. I don’t want to miss anything. I miss him when I’m gone….etc. But, HE had a rough time with it, too. He fussed and cried all day yesterday and half the night. He was so “off” and upset. He is not used to me leaving. It was awful. When I got home after my first half day, all he wanted to do was nurse to make himself feel better. In eight hours, I fed him six times. And then he wouldn’t go to bed. And once he did go to bed, he wouldn’t sleep more than 45 minutes at a time. Finally, around 1:00AM I decided to go sleep in his room so that at least when he fussed I was right there. It seemed to do the trick because I got an almost 5 hour stretch. Granted, I slept on the floor wrapped up in a blanket and laying on a comforter. It was less than comfy. I did well at work during my first two half-days.

But then tonight happened. I was plugging along doing alright and then I had to get everything ready for tomorrow. I packed up my bag with my pump, snacks, wallet, etc. and then I packed his things. Diaper bag, extra clothes, toys, a box of diapers/wipes for the sitter. When I finally sat down is when it hit me. I’m actually leaving my child. At daycare.

And then the tears came…I feel like this will be one of the hardest, if not THE hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Infertility was hard…I think this will be right up there. I feel like I’m going to come home from work and Nathan’s going to be five years old or something. Like I’m missing out on his life already and I haven’t even left yet.

This seriously sucks.

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