Fertile Journeys

April 29, 2010

Real Tears.

Filed under: Uncategorized — by lhoham @ 3:55 pm

Nathan had his two month shots today. He took it like a big boy, but I didn’t. His cry was so sad. I nursed him immediately after which helped and then he appeared drunk after that. But, when he woke up from his nap, he was in so much pain. It. Was. Awful. The worst part (aside from his horribly sad “I’m in pain” cry was that he cried real tears for the first time ever. I had to wipe away his sad little tears. It broke my heart. ūüė¶

I gave him tylenol like the doctor said I could and he fell asleep in my arms. I let him sleep for a little bit in my arms then put him down and he has been sleeping for almost 2 1/2 hours. I think the combination of the vaccines and tylenol made him very sleepy. But, he isn’t in as much pain so that’s good. The silver lining is that I’ve gotten a bunch of stuff done around the house. I hate that he’s not feeling well though. My poor little baby boy.

On a good note, two days ago, he giggled! He smiled at me when I was talking or making a face at him and then he giggled. It was super cute! He was very smiley this morning when I put him in bed with us for a few minutes to hang out. The four of us snuggled (dog included) and it was great. Nathan loved it. He also was rolling around a lot the other day. And he pulled himself up off of his bouncer the other day, too. We sure are going to have our hands full… ūüôā

April 23, 2010

Going Back to Work (and other thoughts…)

Filed under: Uncategorized — by lhoham @ 6:28 pm

Sigh…

I’m at that point where I want time to stop. I want to relive this day, this week, this month for every day, week, and month of my life. Life is perfect. I have an absolutely adorable baby who is so good and happy (and who even sleeps through the night much of the time). I’m home all day with him and we play and snuggle and enjoy each other. I get to see my husband a lot since we are only working around his schedule (we work at different times a lot). The sun has been shining. We’ve taken lots of walk. It has been glorious.

And on May 3, I will go back to work. Time will suddenly race forward. I will not spend all day lounging with my adorable baby boy. I will not see my wonderful husband as much. I will be working. And it sucks.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my job. I get to work with fabulous people (colleagues and alumni of the college). I have a light travel load which allows me to get my “city” fix just enough while still spending most of the time in my small rural community. I work 2 miles from my home and the benefits are outstanding. I work in an amazing community and feel blessed to have been welcomed into it.

But, I have to leave Nathan. My precious little man who took two years to make. The little boy I prayed so hard for. The little boy I never knew I would be so lucky to have.

We have an awesome day-care situation. We are super lucky. He will be the only child, other than the providers two daughters (4 & 6). She has similar values to us and will provide him a safe and loving home to be in when we are working. He will only be there part-time since my husband is home some days.

But, it doesn’t make it any easier.

I don’t want to miss his first-anything. Am I wrong to ask my provider to lie to me about him doing things? Like, if he takes his first step…I don’t want her to tell me. Let him take a step with me and let me think it’s his first. I won’t know any different. I can’t bear to think that I won’t be with him each moment of each day. We went out last weekend. It was fun, but my mind was on Nathan. I was glad to go home and know that I could be with him the entire next day. I even went home once during the evening so I could nurse him and put him to bed. I don’t like being away from him.

We met with our provider today – we’ll call her Ms. A. She was sweet and her girls were adorable. They are so excited to have a little baby around. It put me at ease to see where he would be and discuss things that are important to me (like, no TV) and what he loves and does not love (hates the sun, loves his bouncy chair and music). We also went into my work today for a baby shower. My colleagues were enormously generous as they have been throughout this entire journey. It put¬† me at ease to go back there with my family in tow. I listened to my phone messages and spent a few moments in my office. I do love my job and will look forward to getting back into the grove. I like to feel productive and tend to do better in all facets of my life when I have work to go to and keep busy.

But, it doesn’t make it any easier.

And there is no way around it. I have to work. I’ve always planned on working. I never thought I would want to be a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM). In fact, I was a bit surprised at myself when I realized I would love to stay home with Nathan and I would do anything to stay home with him. But, it’s not in the cards.

And that definitely¬†doesn’t make it any easier.

April 7, 2010

Loving Life!

Filed under: Uncategorized — by lhoham @ 7:06 pm

I’ve heard other Mom’s say how they are “loving their life as a Mommy and wife.” I couldn’t wait to be able to say the same thing. And now I can!

Life is so amazing as a Mom. I’m so in love in a way in which I never knew existed. I mean I love others in my life, but this is….different. I feel closer to my husband with this bond we now share. The world looks different through the eyes of a Mom. I’ve felt that since the day we brought Nathan home from the hospital. And it’s so true.

Nathan is 4 1/2 weeks old now. He’s growing so big! He’s almost out of newborn clothes and diapers. He’s getting so long! He rolled over at 4 weeks old from his belly to his back! And the next day he started batting at his toys over his head on his play mat. He held his rattle briefly this evening, but that was short-lived. He’s trying to learn to smile, but thus far I haven’t gotten more than a sly gassy¬†grin! It’s coming though! He makes the funniest facial expressions. My favorite is when he makes this “oooo” face with his mouth (as if he was saying “ooooooo”). It’s so darn cute! He loves his play mat for about 20 minutes or so until he’s bored. He won’t sleep in his crib, so he sleeps in his swing at the moment. He breastfeeds¬†really well. He doesn’t fuss too much except when he needs something. And he’s slept through the night on more than one occasion! He typically goes between 5-7 hours, but he’s gone as much as 8 hours before at night. I guess he likes to sleep just like his Mommy! He loves his car seat and going for rides and walks. We take lots of walks around the neighborhood or downtown.

The first few weeks were really overwhelming, but things are settled down and we have a good routine. We have feeding down pat and are enjoying our new lives! I can’t say enough good things about being a Mom. Not that I ever (seriously) thought about giving up, but I’m so thankful I didn’t. I’m not sure I’d go through everything again (the fertility drugs, the tough pregnancy, the horrid delivery), but it sure was worth it. He is amazing!

One of my favorite things – when he falls asleep on my chest.

My little monkey

Riley and Nathan – Brothers

Showing off his “ooo” face!

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