Fertile Journeys

September 22, 2009

Day 28

Filed under: pregnancy — by lhoham @ 4:05 pm
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Yes indeedy, I have been on bedrest now for 28 days. That’s four weeks. One month. 672 hours. 40,320 minutes. 2,419,200 seconds. Yep. I really have nothing better to do than calculate how long I’ve been on couch arrest. Today there is a Law & Order: SVU marathon on TV though – so I’ve got that going for me!

We had a nice appointment yesterday at the high risk doctor. We took the whole entourage – me, Ross, my Mom, and my Dad. They took me back alone at first to check for domestic abuse (standard practice at each appt) and after that I asked the nurse very nicely if I could get a quick ultrasound so that my Dad could see the baby. After all we’ve been through and the fact that I’m the only producer of grandchildren in my family, the nurse happily obliged. She’s wonderful – have I mentioned that? They have two types of ultrasounds at my doctor – the real diagnostic ones (like the ones I get to check on Bill the Bleed) and the “feel good” ultrasounds that the RN’s give you to check the heartbeat. We got a quick “feel good” ultrasound with both of my parents watching. It was AMAZING. What a wonderful and awesome experience to share with my parents. I’m guessing it’ll be my dad’s only chance at seeing it since they live so far and he can’t take much time off of work so it was really special. I think he even teared up a bit. And the RN spent a lot of time with us – she let us watch the little one for quite a while. Baby was moving all around and even clenched it’s fist for us and wiggled all over the place! So unbelievably cool. I was so thrilled that my parents could experience that. My Mom had been to an ultrasound with us before, but for my Dad it was a likely one-time thing. And the RN even made sure to print a lot of extra photos for my parents and then congratulated the grandparents. Totally awesome! (Sorry – that was some solid 80’s speak). No need to share photos as they look almost identical to the last ones. The “feel good” ultrasound machines are not as high-tech as the diagnostic ones so the pictures aren’t as great. But, we still got some good ones to give to Gramps and Nana. Did I mention that’s what they will be called? Well, it is! 🙂 Gramps is after my maternal grandfather – a beautiful tribute if you ask me. And Nana is cute and fun and not too “old lady like” which is what my Mom was trying to avoid. My dog, Riley, has been calling them Gramps and Nana for some time now so it’s not really a “new” thing. Didn’t you know? My dog is really smart and can actually say “Gramps” and “Nana.” Amazing.

I have been a bit anxious lately (I’m sure you all find that incredibly hard to believe). Bill the Bleed is not healing very well – hardly at all, in fact. And while I’m beyond the point of having a miscarriage, I’m still not out of the woods. And I’m just worried that this bleed won’t heal and it’ll somehow hurt the baby as the baby continues to grow. And I think this is the part that scares me more than anything: If I end up in the hospital at this point, I think they’ll put me on the L&D floor. I’m not positive about this, but I’m pretty sure. That’s freaky. I don’t want that to happen obviously, but it’s just scary to think that I’m that far…but I’m that far. Oh well. One day at a time as my Mom tells me. Today I’ve made it to 14 weeks 5 days. In two days I’ll be 15 weeks. And I have a baby that’s fluttering around in my belly.

Right – I didn’t mention that yet. I can feel the baby! I’ve been feeling it for a little over a week, but I didn’t know/realize what it was. It kinda feels like bubbles popping in my belly – very weird. I feel it more at night when I lay down in bed, but I can feel it during the day if I sit still and concentrate on it. The other night, Riley barked and it startled me enough that I jumped and the baby went crazy!!! It was moving all around like a little jumping bean. It was very cool. It does make me feel reassured. I just worry for the future. I know I’m fine right now, but what about tomorrow and the next day and the next week, etc? I guess the next big milestone will be viability. Well, with another small milestone in there – on October 14 we find out if it’s a boy or a girl!!!! Yes, we are finding out and I can’t wait! I really feel like it’s a boy, but who knows?! I keep calling it a “he,” but I think that’s just because I don’t like to call it and “it.” I’ll be happy either way – a healthy baby is all I am looking for. I will say though, I don’t have a clue what to do with a girl. It was only recently that I even learned the colors of the rainbow. Roy-G-Biv….A five-year old friend had to teach me (not without her own editorial comment “how do you NOT know the colors of the rainbow?!”).

Alright. That’s all I’ve got for now. My head hurts and Law & Order is calling my name. 🙂 I’ll end with a fun photo of the signature I use on my message boards. One of the graphics girls made it for me and I absolutely LOVE it. Of course, I can’t keep it to myself!!! Cheers!

lindseysiggy

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September 20, 2009

Confessions of a Couch-Ridden Woman

Filed under: pregnancy — by lhoham @ 6:49 pm
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I am so awful at updating my blog! Which is funny since all I do each day is sit on the couch allllllll day. Perhaps I just don’t feel like I have much to say. Plus, I think I’m getting dumber by the day. Is that possible? I’m pretty sure it’s happening. For every week on bedrest, I feel like I’m losing a year of education. So as of now I’m mentally back in high school – seriously not a good place to be. You know those old 80’s ads about drugs: This is your brain; This is your brain on drugs? That’s how I feel. This is your brain: This is your brain on bedrest. Not pretty. Today is day 26 of my incarceration. It doesn’t look like I’ll be paroled any time soon. I had an ultrasound last Monday which showed Bill the Bleed is smaller but not by much – like a millimeter smaller. It’s going to be a long haul to hopefully get back on my feet (literally!). Oh well. I can do anything for the baby for sure. It’s just not a lot of fun.

In other news: A very big congratulations to one of my SK friends, Kari. She just had her quads (yes, you read that correctly) the other day. The babies are just adorable!!! And Kari did such an amazing job making it to 33 weeks with those four! Such a great story!

I’ve started actually picking out things for the baby. I had done a little browsing, but now I’m full-out making lists and picking out fun things. I even purchased some sleepers and onsies the other day online. Ross got my box of baby things out of the basement. I haven’t gone through that box since we lost our first (other than to grab a sleeper for my very good friend, M, when she got pregnant a few months ago). It was a pretty big step. I also was able to open a gift my mom sent me that arrived the same day as my D&C for my first loss – unfortunately timing. My Mom and I are BIG into scrapbooking and she had put together a great gift of scrapbooking paper and embellishments for the baby’s book. It was a great gift made even better since she and my Dad made a surprise trip up to visit this weekend. It was due to a very sad event – my Mom’s Uncle (with whom she was quite close) passed away last week. We know it’s for the better and he was tired and in pain, but it’s still quite sad of course. So my Mom and Dad made the trip up to attend the services and gatherings and are staying at our house. It’s quite a treat and a bit of a silver lining to have them here. And unfortunately, due to bedrest, I have been unable to attend any of the funeral events. I’m missing seeing my family. As soon as I’m off bedrest, I will go to the cemetary and visit my Uncle who will rest next to my Grandfather.

I get to go to the doctor again tomorrow (once a week!). My Mom and Dad are coming with us so they can hear the baby’s heartbeat. My mom has had that opportunity, but my Dad hasn’t and probably won’t get to be up again during another appointment. It’ll be really great. I’m going to see if they’ll do a quick ultrasound so he can see the baby as well. I guess it’s kinda weird that I’ll be going to the doctor with my Mom, Dad, AND husband, but you know, whatever! And the icing on the cake is that we get to go to the Oliver Garden for lunch after!!! Yum-O!!!! I’m so excited about that! Soup, salad, and breadsticks! From there, my parents will go to the funeral and Ross will take me home. I wish my parents could stay longer. I pouted, but it didn’t work – Dad has to go back to work. Hopefully, they’ll come back soon!

Oh – I did have an ultrasound last week – here is a pic for your viewing pleasure 🙂

13w4d A

Something I’m looking forward to in the coming weeks: New primetime TV!!! Not that I don’t watch enough TV or anything, but I’m looking forward to the new seasons of Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice, and Desperate Housewives! Oh, AND Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Making the Team – I love that show!!!

 Okay that’s all I’ve got for now – back to cross stitching, yelling at the TV, and spending endless amounts of time on the sofa….sigh!

September 12, 2009

To all my blogger friends…

Filed under: Uncategorized — by lhoham @ 7:04 pm

If you have a Blogspot blog, I am having technical difficulties posting comments. I’ve been trying and my computer won’t let me and all I get are error messages. So, I’m totally NOT ignoring your blogs! I’m trying to respond, but it won’t work! Sorry! 😦

September 10, 2009

A New Milestone!

Filed under: Uncategorized — by lhoham @ 5:27 pm

Today is a day of celebration!!!!!

My little baby has made it to 13 weeks!!!!!!!

Today has been a great day of excitement and joy. I never really thought I’d be able to make it to this point. And it feels amazing! For those of you who don’t know, my longest pregnancy before this was 12w6d – we lost our first at that time. But, this one has made it through! I did wake up with a feeling of anxiety. I went to the bathroom at 6am and kept saying “please let me still be pregnant, please let me still be pregnant.” And sure enough – all was well! The bleeding is constant, but expected as a result of the sub-chorionic hemorage. I’m still queasy and having weird dreams. I’m still pregnant. wahoo!!!! And, yes, I’m still on bedrest – but that’s okay – I can do anything if it means I can have a healthy baby! I’m including a handful of pictures that I finally was able to get onto my computer.

This first one is my 10w5d ultrasound:

10w5d ultrasound edited

This next one is my 11w4d ultrasound:

11w4d ultrasound

And here are some 13 week belly shots.

13 week belly 2

13week belly

Here is my 11w4d ultrasound with the sub-chorionic bleed pointed out (pink arrow bottom left):

11w4d ultrasound

September 1, 2009

Bedrest Day #7

Filed under: Uncategorized — by lhoham @ 2:52 pm

Wow – what a week! It has been a very scary week, but all is well. Here’s my story…

I went to work last Tuesday thinking everything was fine. We had an all-day meeting at the local hotel. The morning went fine – I was queasy and achy, but nothing out of the ordinary. I got Subway for lunch and ate with a friend outside because it was so beautiful. Around noon, I decided to use the rest room because we were headed into a 3 hour meeting. I went into the stall and saw it – blood. More than spotting, less than “full flow,” enough to scare the ship out of me. I told myself to hold it together – that I would just leave and go to the doctor. I would figure it out. So I flushed and washed my hands while the bathroom was filled with colleagues (big meeting). One of my very sweet colleagues started asking me how the baby was doing and how I was feeling. Well, I lost it. Here I am thinking I’m having my fifth miscarriage and just couldn’t handle it. So I said, “Um, I’m bleeding.” And then I collapsed. I fell to the floor in tears and my two colleagues who were closest helped me. They sat with me while I told them what was happening. They offered to take me home or to the doctor. And they sat with me while I tried to call Ross. He didn’t pick up his cell or the home, but I thought he was home. So I tried to pull myself together as best I could and left work to head home. I figured I’d get Ross and we’d go right up to the doctor.

Ross called while I was on my way home and I told him what was going on. I told him we had to go to the doctor right away. He hung up and called to cancel his work appointment for the afternoon. When I got home, he called the doctor for me since I was in tears and they told us to come right away. It was the longest 1-hour drive ever. I spent the entire drive thinking, “I can’t do this again,” “What will we do?,” Can we adopt?,” “Maybe I can’t have a child…” Once we arrived, the nurse took us right back and did a quick ultrasound….and…we had a heartbeat!!!!! Strong and steady and the little one was moving all over the place! Amazing. I cried happy tears of relief and the nurse told me I had to calm down so she could measure the heartbeat! From that point, they did a quick exam to try and find the source of the bleeding and couldn’t see anything. So I had to have another, more thorough, ultrasound. We were feeling such relief at this point that we still had our baby! The more thorough ultrasound revealed that I have a Sub-Chorionic Hemorage – a bleed between the linings in the uterus – or something like that. I really dont’ quite understand it. Due to the bleed, I was put on modified bedrest until further notice. They told me they would monitor it periodically and I would be out of work at least until it heals.

What a relief! But, bedrest. Oh boy. I was not prepared for bedrest.

Luckily, my Mom was already planning on visiting for a week – what perfect timing! She arrived on Wednesday night and immediately started taking care of me. She cooked and ran errands and made us turkey soup from scratch that we can freeze so we have lots of meals! She also kept me company and made me feel better when I was upset. Bedrest takes some getting used to and it’s certainly not easy. Luckily, I’m not on full bedrest. So I can still get up to shower, go to the potty, make a sandwich, and move from the bed to the sofa.

So…fast forward to Friday night. All is well – the bleeding is the same each day. Spotty, but not bad. I go to bed and wake up at 3:00AM needing to use the rest room. And then I see it – lots of blood. LOTS. I wake up Ross and have him come see. He agrees it’s a lot (not just in my head). We called the on-call doctor who told us I was either having another miscarriage or it was from the bleed. Great. We decided to go to our local hospital rather than head to the city to go to the big hospital. The on-call doctor told us any ER could diagnose what was going on. We drove the 3 miles to the hospital and only had to wait about 45 minutes for the ultrasound tech to be called in (we’re talking VERY small hospital). She did the ultrasound and again, we saw a heartbeat! Thus, the heavy bleeding was still due to the hemorage. They also diagnosed me with placenta previa. We later ruled that to be false because you can’t actually diagnose that this early. Phew – one less thing that’s wrong!

After that scare, I just hung out until our appointment yesterday. All went well. The bleed is still there – slightly bigger, but the doctor thinks it’s starting the healing phase. They won’t even check it again for two weeks because these things do not heal quickly. I’m on continued bedrest at least until it heals completely. We won’t have any idea how long that will take. It was a big outing for me and Ross even stopped at Wegmans to get me a soda (a special treat that I adore). By the time we got home I was exhausted. After being on bedrest for a week, it’s hard to do much of anything. We go back next Tuesday for a check up, but they won’t measure the bleed at that time. We just go for weekly check ups to make sure the baby is doing well.

So, here I am, on day 7 of bedrest. My Mom left this morning which is very sad. I’m going to just try and stay on a routine and pass the time. I’ve done some online window shopping and made a wish list at Babies R Us with my Mom since I can’t actually go to the store. I’ve also looked at maternity clothes online. I really want 7 for All Mankind maternity jeans on ebay since I’m absolutely addicted to designer jeans. If I make it to 13 weeks, I think I’ll treat myself. What the heck – I have all day to bid on them! LOL. I’m also looking at comfy maternity clothes that are fit for bedrest. You don’t really need real clothes when all you do is sit on the couch!

Thanks to all my friends and my Mom who have visited me this past week and talked to me on the phone. The visits help pass the time and I love to see everyone. My favorite little 5 year old came to visit me last night which was a real treat! When I asked him what was in my belly, he got quiet for a second, and then squealed with delight as he said “BABY!!!!” He’s going to be a great friend to this little one!

Anyway, as always, thanks for reading to the bottom! Have a great day!

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