Fertile Journeys

June 30, 2009

Symptom Update

The crazy thing about symptoms is that I always worry and wonder are they all in my head? Here’s what I’ve been feeling the past few days.

  • Weird dreams – I only have weird vivid dreams when I’m pregnant
  • Sore boobs – I thought this was from the trigger shot (since that’s hcg), but it’s been persistent
  • uterine cramps/twinges
  • Wanting to sleep on my belly (this was more right after the IUI, not so much the last few nights)
  • Weird food issues – I won’t go so far as to say cravings – but, that’s where I’m headed. I’m HUNGRY – like I want constant food.

But, is this all in my head? My gut is telling me I’ll see a BFP next week, but now I’m already beginning my worry about will it last. Are my symptoms enough – do I have enough of them – what if they aren’t all the time – what if I don’t have the right ones? Etc, etc. etc.

Some moments I feel like this will work (or that I have a shot at it) and sometimes I’m convinced this will not work and I won’t be able to have a child at all. This is such a mind game!

I’m trying to approach this by just living my life and letting this happen, but not changing everything I do, eat, drink, etc. to make it happen. But, of course, there are some things I just can’t do. Like drink alcohol. Or row on my crew team. And yes, ladies and gentlmen, I’m bitter. I drove past our boat launch yesterday and saw all my old teammates waiting for practice to begin. And I was sad. Not sad enough that I would stop TTC, but sad. Sad like I’m missing out on my life in this effort to have a baby that might not exist. And that makes me sad. Maybe I’m just hormonal…who knows?

One of the SK girls has a quote that I’d like to borrow: “My desire to have a child is greater than my fear of miscarriage.” Yes, but sometimes it’s close.

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3 Comments »

  1. Hmm I guess if I were still in your area we’d be drinking caffeine free soda! Hang in there, Lindsey… *hugs*

    Comment by Diane — June 30, 2009 @ 11:42 pm |Reply

  2. Well, look at it this way….as far as missing out on crew….there are things that you’ll have to give up even when you have a child….nothing absolutely stays the same when you have children. It’s called life!

    Comment by Karen — July 1, 2009 @ 9:18 am |Reply

  3. There is no cure for all of the doubts you are having, except time. Time to find out you are pregnant, time to see that you’ll stay pregnant, and time to see that everything will turn out okay. And it will happen, hopefully this time.

    Comment by Mom — July 1, 2009 @ 7:10 pm |Reply


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