Fertile Journeys

June 10, 2009


Disclaimer: I’m on pain killers – good ones. So, if something doesn’t make sense, or, gasp, I misplace a comma, please forgive me. Also, there may be a bit TMI in this post…

I’ve had a long time to think over the past 24 hours. It’s been hard for me to process and accept that there is nothing wrong. I’m a very logical person and this is very illogical – 4 unexplained m/c. It just doesn’t make sense. But, before I get more into that, I’ll recap the past few days. The good, the bad, and the ugly!

I didn’t sleep well Monday night. I was so anxious about my surgery on Tuesday that I couldn’t sleep. We got up and made the one hour trip to our RE’s office and arrived promptly at 9:45AM. Fortunately, I didn’t have to wait too long in the waiting room – just long enough for Ross to get some coffee. I’m such a nervous nelly – I watched the nurse walk to the waiting room door and I knew she was going to call my name and I freaked out even more…all under-cover though…nobody but you all know how silly I was. She asked Ross to put on a gown, booties, and a head cover and led me to the bathroom to change. I had to put on a gown, head cover, compression stockings, and booties. But, here’s the thing: they gave me a plush bathrobe. I love my RE’s office. They always take that extra step to make you feel comfortable. So they led me to the pre-op room and put in my IV, took blood, and explained the procedure. They joked with me about how my name sounds like Lindsay Lohan (it’s very similar) and the nurse said “you probably get that a lot.” I do, but it put me at ease to laugh. They let Ross back and told us to relax and that it would be a while. They checked up on us periodically and brought me magazines from the kitchen and homemade coffee for Ross. In total, we waited 3 hours and 15 minutes for the surgery to begin. Man were we bored! Here’s a photo of me all ready for surgery!

lap surgery

So at 1:00PM, the doctor (whom I never met before) came in to talk to us about the surgery and to briefly go over my history (to give him clues as to what to look for). So I told him about my chronic right ovary pain, pelvic and lower back pain. He also asked about the pregnancies and m/c to get a clue as to when we were losing them. Both Ross and I really liked him; he was respectful and very nice. Excellent bedside manner. And so with that, I kissed Ross twice and walked down to the OR.

Holy intimidating. Typically, I prefer to be given some type of medication prior to entering the OR so that I don’t have to really take in my surroundings. Each surgery center does it differently (I should know since this was my seventh surgery) and in my RE’s OR, they take you in completely sober. I sat on the OR table (it’s like a dentist’s chair almost – can sit upright and then lay down…should have been a clue to the scariness that was about to ensue…). The anesthesiologist came in and asked me a bunch of questions. I commented to the nurses how incredibly intimidating the OR was. Ladies, if you think stirrups at the OB/GYN are intimidating…this is stirrups on steroids. Fortunately, I was only awake a few more minutes. Enough for them to joke with me about my name again (we are operating on Lindsay Lohan!) and then I was OUT. At first they gave me something to “relax” me. Well I must be immune b/c I didn’t feel a thing from that particular cocktail. So I kindly reminded the anesthesiologist not to stick a tube down my throat w/out first knocking me out and about two seconds later I was done.

I slowly began to wake up three hours later in the recovery room. The first thing I asked, of course, was “did they find anything.” I was told no. This was probably a good time to tell me that because I was too high to cry and too tired to ask questions. Plus, I could hardly talk b/c I was so hoarse from the intubation tube. By the time we left there, we were the only ones in the building (plus my nurse). I felt bad making her stay late (which I told her numerous times). She even stayed extra late to let Ross go get my Rx filled while I waited in recovery so that I could take it right away. At that point I was already starting to hurt.

After an excruciatingly long drive home, I laid down on the couch and slept. I tried to go through the night w/out pain meds, but woke up at 2AM in horrible pain (made worse by the fact that I had to get out of our high bed, go downstairs, get the meds, eat something, and get back into bed and then let the meds start to work). I will not go w/out pain meds tonight – I learned that lesson! Laparoscopic surgery feels like being kicked in the stomach repeatedly – but, actually worse than that. The incisions aren’t bad…I just feel like I have one huge bruise between my belly button and my pelvic bone. Oh, and I learned today I have stiches in my cervix…the doctor told Ross that and told him not to tell me until today so that if they come out in the next week I wouldn’t get scared. Lovely.

So they found nothing. Seriously. I want to cry, but it hurts too much. The doctor doesn’t know what’s causing the pain. I suppose it could be from being pregnant 4 times in the last 16 months. I mean, that’s not normal. Not sure…but, lots of people deal with chronic pain – I’m just joining their ranks. I had also asked yesterday whether we could start a new IUI cycle as soon as AF shows (which should be in 5-7 days). As of yesterday, they had said we would find out when we can start at our post-op. But, when I spoke with them today, they said we absolutely can begin as soon as AF shows which may be before my post-op. I simply can call them and they will do my IUI baseline appt at the same time as my post-op. Perfect. That gives me some hope as we move forward. I hate not doing anything, but knowing we are starting very soon gives me something to look forward to. Well, as forward as you can be to nightly injections, feeling like crap (and that’s putting it lightly), and worrying constantly whether it’s giong to work or not. But, you know…I’m still looking forward to the possibility that I might stay pregnant. Just maybe.

So, that’s where we stand. I’ll be starting my second injectable IUI cycle soon with the following drugs: Gonal-F, Lurpon, Baby Aspirin, Lovenox, prometrium, progesterone-in-oil, Pre-Natals, and added to the mix this time, Intralipids. I feel like I may be forgetting something….but you get the idea.

Thanks again for all the warm wishes on FB, SK, in person, on the phone, and on here. A special thanks to my young friends E & T and their mom and dad who made us brownies today and for the adorable card which is hanging on my fridge. While we may not be blessed yet with a child, we are incredibly lucky to have such amazing friends and that can really get you through a lot.

Thanks for reading to the bottom!



  1. Love the picture, you and Ross. I will talk to you soon.

    Comment by MJ — June 10, 2009 @ 6:52 pm |Reply

  2. Love you both. Hope you’re feeling better. Take those pain meds. You’re moving forward. Love you,

    Comment by Mom — June 10, 2009 @ 7:08 pm |Reply

  3. I love that even though you’re going through such a hard time, you’re still able to laugh:) I hope you’re feeling better soon! You’re in my thoughts & prayers. Hang in there!

    Comment by Sarah — June 10, 2009 @ 7:40 pm |Reply

  4. Hope you feel better quickly. It sounds like you’ve got a great plan in place – I hope the intralipid infusion, injects, and baby aspirin do the trick!

    Comment by Tkeys — June 11, 2009 @ 2:19 am |Reply

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